I am not prone to seizures, but it felt sorta like they sound. I was thinking in my merry way about something or other, and then I looked at something in particular, I forget what, and then I immediately realized that I am stuck in this body and person and existence. My first reaction was laughing like I had just been kidding myself, but then I realized I was the butt of my own joke, and I went back and forth like this for about 12 times, more times than I have ever experienced this.

I was shaking and felt really sad thinking about how I just can't flip a switch and stop time and the fact that I will wake up tomorrow and continue the train of thoughts and feelings that I have been having.

I guess I mildly got over this insane incident, because I was going to read a book, but it really pisses me off how I am cramming myself into a box that I don't fit into. That was just a thought I had now, but while I was reading, it occured to me that if you have a baby with someone, then that baby is like the combination of the both of you, and this made me happy and was appealing to me, so I wrote down that I appreciate sexual reproduction. I was especially thinking along the lines about how the combination of the rebel individual and rebel individuals having babies and babies turning into rebel individuals, that they will save the world from monotony. And I thought that having a baby might tear you apart, because you have to take care of the baby, and that is stressful.

But, then I thought about how Javier and me watched our favorite local couple walk down Baxter St. earlier tonight. We see them from Javier's bedroom and the kitchen window, but they go to Gumby's Pizza a lot, and the man has a long, dark rat mullet, and they wear ratty clothes, and talk ratty and smoke a lot, and ask you for cigarettes, but the woman was walking behind the guy, hitting him on the head with a cardboard box like he had made her mad, and I thought it was really sweet and wondered if some day a woman would do the same to me.