I had been living in a valley for two years and went back to your house in the mountains. I knew you wouldn't be there. I just sat in my car in the snow in front of your old house.

But, then I saw people inside, and they were having a going away party for you. It was if you hadn't gone away before, but now you were really going for good.

I went in the house. I don't think anyone noticed. I saw your picture when you were younger and had long hair. Now you were way older and had long hair again. My chest felt like a clenched baseball glove. I had not caught a ball. I had just lost you forever.

Later, I was reading your guestbook and hoping there was something I could add that would change everything. I was reading backwards hypertext as through a mirror. I could actually read the webpage in my dream.

When I woke up, I felt like the dream I had was utterly the most powerful dream I have ever had.

I walked around the apartment in the dark, and it was really scary and cold. I felt like a very clear idea was produced in my head.