Today, I shaved my head and coated my body in molten granite, but I had forgotten to include a zipper. I got a new car. The wheels of it are razor sharp saw blades. I drive it on a system of invisible canals. My dream is to convert this car into a minivan first, a cadillac second, a station wagon third, and then at last, put purple lights underneath it.

Dear God, your shoe is untied.