One before, one after




Goodbye
Tuesday, May 21, Year 2002
I fell asleep last night immediately after dinner like I had been drugged. It was so cold that the warmth I felt under my covers sucked me into a vast dream.

I was living alone in a cramped, dark basement of a building. One day, I was taking a shower in a slim part of my room that had a shower fixture. It was only then that it occured to me that my one room apartment was wretched compared to what I was paying for it. So, I turned off the shower, dried off really quickly, and went to the office to complain.

The office was pretty busy, but one guy was curious about what I was actually complaining about, so we headed towards my apartment through the building. But, we couldn't find my basement room and instead stumbled upon a warehouse room full of things that previous residents had left behind when they had moved out. At first, I saw piles of things that were modest and scrapy, the kind of things people wouldn't have a second thought about leaving behind. But, then I started to see things like enormous stacks of video cassettes and eventually computer towers stacked up high to the ceiling.

I lost track of the guy but began to notice other residents also in awe of the bounty. I walked through the aisles and took things for myself. After all, it would be much better for me to have it than it rot here in this abandoned warehouse. A girl with her friend told me to get a computer with a writeable CD drive. I could use that, I thought. But, pretty soon, I encountered the most exciting musical instruments. They were huge, eclectic instruments, like a double bass/keyboard hybrid and a grand piano that looked like an inflated raft, light as a feather. They were all big, but also lightweight. I could carry a couple to take, but couldn't wield more than that.

It was really frustrating, but after reflecting on the situation, I resolved to be happy with what I could hold onto. Then I woke up to my dad knocking on the door. I had overslept and needed to rush breakfast, but I was still so sleepy and nauseous that I was still in the dream. I oozed downstairs.

I felt obliged to have a big breakfast to power my day at work and figured I must be really hungry. I devoured peanut butter and honey sandwiches quickly with yogurt while I read the newspaper. But, I injested everything so fast without regard to my real hunger that I started to feel really sick.

In the newspaper, I saw a photo of a mass murderer captured in Louisiana. The caption said he liked to cause pain in his victims. He looked just like someone I once knew. And then I glanced to the left and read that Stephen Jay Gould was dead, and I knew I wasn't dreaming.

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